Bearing fruit.
After a long morning of answering millions of questions and preparing countless snacks for my growing boys, the sweet relief of nap time called to me with all its promises of rest and peace. Once the diapers were changed and the little bodies were tucked into their beds, I was faced with countless other needs to be met. The pile of unfolded laundry resting on the couch, the sink full of dishes and crumbs all over the floor. Tiny lego pieces strewn into every crevice of our small apartment and I begin to toil in my mind over where to start. My body wants to sit and rest, but my mind tells me, “Unless you work, work, work, you will accomplish nothing, and you will have no value.” Alarmed at the sound of that horrific lie, that my value is based on what I can accomplish, I immediately stopped to take that thought captive and I toured the gospel truths in my mind with all peace and assurance. While I was still a sinner Christ died for me, I am nothing and He is everything, what I have to offer is like filthy rags, but God...He exchanged my rags for righteousness, all that I am is found in Christ. I was created in His image before I ever had breath in my lungs.
Knowing that I am the beloved of Christ, that He sees value in His creation of me, makes all the difference in my approach to living life with Him. This truth will change the way we approach parenting, friendships and life’s experiences.
Fruit hanging from strong branches portrays the tree’s identity. While Scripture is clear that we are to live lives that are full of the evidence of Christ’s presence, it can be unclear as to what that “fruit” really is. We see character traits praised as fruits from the Spirit that is alive in us. We see in Proverbs 31:26-28 that a righteous woman “Opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, he praises her.”
The very real temptation to focus on the wrong part of this verse can lead many parents into a path of guilt and frustration. In our heads, we know that the Spirit of God alone produces the growth that we all have experienced as believers in Christ. However, in our hearts, we place the measurement of our success as parents on how our kids turn out. We consider our kids our fruit, by which we balance the scales of our righteousness. We are to be connected to the true vine and to realize that our job is to connect and direct our children to the One who has the power and perfect character that we so obviously lack. Don’t get me wrong, that is going to be an intentional and lifelong work, but the behavior of our kids does not determine our standing before Christ. As with all things in this Christian life, we were sought out and bought with the blood of Christ before we did anything of merit. Even Jesus Himself was declared to be the “Son of God with whom I am well pleased,” before Jesus’ public ministry had even begun. He was moving and loving out of His identity in God, and we are to do the same, not allowing our worth to be determined by our children or anything else we produce.
During an internship program at a church I was attending, we learned that all ministry flows from intimacy. That paradigm has greatly shaped all the things that I set my hand and heart to accomplishing. Intimacy with Jesus always produces an outflow of ministry, whether that is within the walls of our own homes and in the hearts of our kiddos, or out in the world with co workers and strangers alike. Anything of any value for the kingdom will flow from our close, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This is an invitation to stop yourself from determining your value based on the outcome you can produce in your kids and instead to “seek first the kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.” When we make this our aim, our kids will be intimately acquainted with lives that are truly informed by the Spirit of the Living God, they will experience authentic faith and taste and see that the Lord is good simply by observing our lives play out.
Taking a look at the fruit that we are to display on our branches will help identify and invite the Master Gardener to prune out the rotten fruit and dead branches in our lives.
“Bear fruit in keeping with repentance.” Matthew 3:8
“By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.” John 15:8
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.” Galatians 5:22
“So as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.” Col 1:10
“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 13:15
As shown in these verses, we see that our fruit becomes characteristics of God displayed in our lives. We see these things manifest as we become “transformed by the renewing of our minds.” When harsh words spoken from an unhappy family member, or slander from a neighbor no longer produce in us thoughts and actions that pertain to the word like we see in Galatians 5:19, impurity, envy, strife, fits of anger, and rivalries are the unwelcome result. These are big concepts that we must first understand as children of God, and then as parents, if we are to model and intentionally teach our kids that “the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few,” as we see in Matthew 7:14
As Jesus patiently talked and walked among his brothers, he also spoke firmly with the Pharisees who became so entrenched in their ideas of religion that they missed the reason their religion was given as a way of life in the first place. All the laws God had enacted in the Old Testament were to both set His people apart, but also to reveal that perfection was the standard, and that could not be met outside of God alone. These Pharisees took the law given through Moses and embellished it, holding onto the rules rather than the relationship God desired to enjoy with them. This relationship was the sole reason for His unrelenting pursuit of a rebellious humanity. As parents, we too can hold on so tightly to our rules, our ideas in parenting and in Christianity, that we leave no room for the Christ child, the one who came to disrupt the chaos of life lived, with a temporary covering by sacrifice and complete separation from God. While approaching our role as parents, we must take a step back and align with God’s greatest goal for history and humanity.
We are all being swept toward the consummation of Christ and His bride, the Church. He desires oneness and unity with His children. We too must align ourselves to this goal, to connect our child to Christ and allow His power to be made manifest to them. If we are bent on simply producing well-behaved kids, we will miss out on the true aim of it all. Our behavior modification will not produce righteousness in them. We must pursue Christ with our kids at our side, continually drawing them toward the well that will satisfy their thirst for belonging and meaning. In doing so, we will bear branches that are full of fragrant and tasty fruit, our kids will enjoy life with fullness and satisfaction on display, and they will hunger and thirst for righteousness. If we mistake the “fruit” of well-behaved kids as the end goal, we will miss out on the abundant life, and we will consequently lose our identity if they choose to walk away from the tasteless and rotten example of Christ we have led them to feast from. Rules have never kept any human heart in line, they are only there as a supplement to the relationship we are to build with our kids.
