Coming home.
Coming to Bend has felt a lot like coming home. When we packed up and travelled north, we packed up more than just belongings. It seems, in hindsight, that we also packed up our expectations, our days of certainty, and headed for true north. For the kingdom life. This life isn't marked by perfection, but rather whole hearted trust in the sovereignty of God. Our days became to us an adventure of trust. A journey toward real life lived with Him alone as our director, driver, provider. All that we have, all of it, is the product of His glorious grace and activity in our lives.
Hindsight really is a gift, I have learned this since landing here in the Pacific Northwest. In the midst, that is where I cannot see what story God is writing. In hindsight I see the character He has built into our family, I see the muscles He has strengthened in taking us away from comfort and placing us into His comforting embrace. The past few years of life have been far from easy. They have held deep moments of sorrow and grief mixed in with the joys of life lived with Him. Yet through all of life's unpredictability, I have felt Him remind me that He is a safe refuge, I can trust that when I jump, He will be the hands that catch me. Like a toddler, full of faith, "leap," He says to me as I am tempted to fear the fall.
A large portion of our story since coming to Bend has been our journey through foster care. While I do intend to share more on this decision, how the Lord led us to it, and what it has felt to walk in obedience through it, I need more time. There are many narratives surrounding foster care and adoption that are circling social media currently. I still am not sure what role I have to play in adding to those. We have a certain lived experience, and ours will be different than the next families that steps into this space. I’m currently wrestling with it all, I have thoughts and feelings, and though this is a space to share my heart and what God has done in our lives personally, I have no intention of making other people feel like their experience isn’t valid because it is different. Whether you are an adoptee that is thankful for your story, or one that is living with daily pain over it, my experience shouldn’t negate yours. That is something I have come to cherish, the value of another’s humanity. The fact that each of our callings, equipping, and leading will be different based on the plan God has for us.
Adoption talk can get muddy and easily misunderstood or misrepresented any time someone tries to express themselves surrounding it. What must be true and certain, is that Christ has led us to this life. I know others that have been led and burdened for different people groups across oceans and demographics. Their calling is valuable and part of the expression of Christ’s intense love for humanity, as is mine. The differences we have ought not to separate us, but to serve to strengthen us.
My hope is to honestly share how we have stepped into the space of orphan care, how it has affected our biological boys and their own journey, and to bring you encouragement as you live out your story. I’ve often considered writing a book on various things, but I always feel crippled by the need to perfect any thought I feel called to deliver. This space is very much me following God into the midst of my every day. I don’t want to wait for the day I have arrived to serve as a mouthpiece for the work that God is capable of doing on earth through His people. So, here’s to taking you along on our journey, our daily life.
Each piece written may not be earth shattering stuff, but I believe that it will paint an accurate picture of what it looks like to live surrendered. One day, I’ll have the gift of hindsight yet again, and I’ll look back on these moments catalogued and see the beauty of what He was up to.
